A Moment With Jason

Haven't posted anything embarrassing for a while [not due to a shortage of material, trust me] so I figure I'm about due.

This is an email I fired off to my buddy Jordan whose studlieness can be witnessed in About A Ball.

A brief intro:

I innocently called Jordan to check in with him. During the conversation he asked if I put the pounds back on since my injury and I admitted I was once again sporting my "Luxury Profile" due to too many cookies, pints of coconut ice cream and bouts of self love. He requested a pic of my sorry state because "he could use a laugh." Fit bastard!

***One thing I forgot to mention during the retelling of the story is that at the time I was also a week unshaven as I had a runaway zit community that looks like a freakin' martian leper colony festering on the center of my chin.

Jordy~D,

Thought you might appreciate this little moment from the other day:

After you and I get off the phone I grab a quick nap before a Bikram yoga class.

I'm groggy when I get to the studio so when I see the instructor talking to a cutie all I think is "Wow! She's Super Hot!"

Then I realize she's looking at me as I ogle her, then I realize its a girl I fooled around with a bit last year before she called it off ["The chemistry's just not working for me... Always good for the ego].

I'm still staring as I think this, then pull the slick 8th grade move of quickly look down and run into the classroom like a spaz without saying a word.

You know Bikram is all mirrors and shirts off. So there's this half naked, fit, bendy, well balanced hottie and me, the one footed white wale.

90 minutes of total embarrassment.

Once class is over I rush out of the room to change in peace and to compose myself and hopefully try and explain my awkwardness.

She comes out of the studio in all her glistening glory and I am there, blubbering about with a goofy grin and a coconut water.

I wait outside with a buddy for her to change [why suffer without a witness to forever remind me of my shame?] and when she emerges from the studio she looks even better than I remember.

We talk for a while and its going GREAT! I'm picturing her tied back up in my closet that night until I inform her how I'm back in class to heal my foot and reduce my "luxury profile." As I'm telling her how you requested a photo of my enormous belly for your enjoyment she glances down at my bulging mid section and looks away in horror!

This will shock you, I'm sure, but she didn't end up back in the closet or anywhere near my apartment once she stepped back and took the whole thing in.

Thanks, Jordan, thank you very much!

Big Love,

J